Ramblings…. My Digital Journal

tl;drPublicly talking about my struggles, goals and businesses has always been a major personal motivator in keeping me accountable to both myself and the public. Since launching this blog I’ve had so many ideas for topics that I would like to discuss ranging from posts about hobbies, to advice on managing development tasks, to short product reviews, to personal posts about my inner struggles and challenges. Lately, I’ve been dealing with some extremely challenging and important changes in my life that deserve a mention but I can’t get the motivation to start the post. I’m hitting a roadblock every time I want to write…

The Perfectionist inside me…
perfectionsimBecause of my self-moderation, review, obsession with formatting and endless revising it’s nearly impossible to get any ideas out. I overthink every written word that leaves my mouth from my seemingly meaningless Twitter posts to the articles that end up on here. I even created a short posts category and the most simple posts probably end up with 30+ revisions! Besides making things take far longer than they should, the honesty behind the message gets lost through editing alone.

This blog is my personal space, it’s not my business profile or resume. It’s something I want to be able to look back on and reflect. If I’m unable to get my ideas out whatever they may be, it’s limiting my growth as an individual. If I can’t post, I can’t look back to see the mind-state I was in. Looking at my past is one of the most vital tools I use for self-improvement both as a person and as a businessman.

I’ve come up with a solution…
tumblrI’ve decided to use my Ryan Eagle Tumblr and challenge myself to post whatever is on my mind, when it’s on my mind, completely unedited and honest. I want the truth even if makes no sense or is embarrassing – not carefully constructed sentences. I don’t want drafts, edits or revisions. I want to see what really goes on in my head. I started making my first rambling posts a couple days ago.

The goal is to be able to review what I’ve written, edit it, and compose structurally organized blog posts. It’s my goal to review a dozen rambles that I barely understand and try to produce one meaningful post I can publish and reflect on later. The goal is to jot down anything on my mind, get it out, and laugh about how stupid it was or how much I was over-analyzing myself. I understand how a lot of people work but there is one person that baffles me still : myself. I feel sorry for the haters that try to interpret my actions because they’re going to end up more confused than me. Continue reading

We Are Keeping It

I woke up and my entire life changed.
Literally days after making a tumblr post about my future I wake up to news that I would have never expected. I’m still in shock it happened in the first place (I’m not that reckless) considering the protective measures we took. I had no clue that sje would ever even consider keeping a baby considering the circumstances, but life takes you directions you had no clue you were going to go. All I knew is that I had to man up and support whatever decision she made.

For me, the decision was pretty clear cut and logical. But for my girlfriend, the decision wasn’t as easy as even she expected. When you’re detached from situations like this it’s very easy to say what you’d do, but when real life hits it was a lot more challenging for her. She didn’t know what to do and I had to support her the best I could, sharing my opinion but not pushing it. The back and forth struggle she went through killed me more than anything, I didn’t know what to expect. To be honest, I’m just glad we have a final decision. I couldn’t see her like that anymore and I couldn’t survive another week with the pressure. I’m scared to death for a dozen reasons and happy for a dozen more, but I’ll reserve that for a blog post down the line.

How Ask.fm Became Insightful

tl;drI’ve cut back using social networks for one major reason – it doesn’t make me money. Back in the day I used to be on every forum, chatroom, group and network – but money was the motivation. I still use Twitter and Instagram because they quickly fill my social fix but I don’t like to get too off focus on them.

I had an extra data entry employee waiting on work a couple weeks back so I had him I register accounts on popular social networks to reserve my name (I’d like to apologize to any other Ryan Eagle’s out there that have to share my infamy). I l wanted them saved for the remote chance I may end up needing it in the future – nothing annoys me more than not having my own name available.

Ryan Eagle Ask.fmThe accounts were then added to my social profiles page and completely forgot about them. One day I got a random email notification from Ask.fm with a question asking advice about business and passed it into the spam folder. During one of my all-nighters I decided to log into my Ryan Eagle Ask.fm Profile and I was impressed with how little I saw. I loved the simplicity of it : an AMA-style platform where I could answer anonymous questions.

 
The questions came pouring in…
As a social experiment I was interested to see if anyone would bother asking anything in the first place. I posted my Ask.fm Profile on Twitter and to my surprise the questions started pouring in at a pace I couldn’t believe (look at a screenshot below from today alone). I should have known – I may not be the man in front anymore but I’m still the man in front of everyones mind.

I got questions about my personal life, my old companies, current businesses, my past mistakes and embarrassing failures. I got questions from haters, from fans and trolls. The questions were funny, mean, hard to answer and some I wanted to ignore completely. I even had people asking for advice (they’re the worst off because I have no clue what I’m talking about).

I had nothing to to hide. I had nothing to lose..
I figured fuck it – I have nothing to lose and nothing to hide at this point. I’m just going to answer exactly the way I want to and be myself. I wasn’t going to sugarcoat anything, I wasn’t going to hide, and I wasn’t going to put up any front. People had things that needed to be addressed that deserved my response and I had things that I wanted to get off my chest. This was the perfect outlet to handle both.

My Ask.fm profile has become far more than a way for me to fill my social fix – it has turned into valuable self-analysis tool allowing me to answer questions about myself I didn’t even know to ask in the first place. I welcome the hard questions because it allows me to see viewpoints that I’m blinded to. I get asked the hard questions that I would have never thought to ask myself.
Continue reading