All I ever wanted in life was a Range Rover, an icy watch and a fresh pair of Air Force Ones – looking back it’s amazing how much farther I’ve come and what I went through to get where I’m at. When I first started working I was still in high school; working a part time job and somehow managing to put in another full time workload into developing websites that made little money. I was a big dreamer and money was the motivation; I associated success entirely with material possession. As I worked longer hours, the money stacks started adding up. I quit my job, picked up my blunt and got on the nonstop hustle. The riches came pouring in and I wanted nicer cars, clearer diamonds, bigger sacks, and shorter skirts. More – the only thing I cared about.
I attributed my success to my drug use and continued that full throttle. I was the man; self-made and self-paid. I had my own house, car, everything – why couldn’t I do a little of this and a little of that? I was too smart to get addicted to anything. As this mindset progressed my life continued to run smoothly, further reinforcing it. But life took me for a turn – as quickly as I rose up financially, everything started to go wrong. Outwardly, things looked fine, but inside I was torn apart. I was going through life like a drone without emotions and with an ego too big for my own good. As the use got more excessive, I rationalized by ignoring the signs and solely looking at the success of my business – an addict couldn’t ever have gotten as far as I have, right?
My life spiraled out of control and I lost scope of what was important. It wasn’t about working anymore; it was about waking up and partying all day. It was about fueling my ego more with fake people. Friends would drop and new ones would come – it didn’t faze me. I made relationships and lost them; it didn’t faze me! All I cared about was me and my substance; I didn’t care about anything or anyone else.
This drug fueled lifestyle got me into a lot of trouble: spiritually, mentally, legally and emotionally I was a broken man. I may have had a bank account with a couple digits in it but that’s all I had. Everything was clearly showing me to stop, but at the time I was so shortsighted I couldn’t see the big picture. After a long series of horrible events (I could write a book on just this) I decided it was time for me to get sober. For the first time I wanted to get sober for myself and for my own life: not for the legal system, my parents, a girlfriend or anything. Completely for myself.
I was beaten into willingness and did what I needed to do. I white-knuckled it for months, worked on building a relationship with God and slowly but surely I made it through month and month. That was two years ago – and I can now truly say that I’m living on borrowed time. I rose up from the depths of a living hell to become a man with character, gratitude and a newfound will to do the next right thing. I was given the gift of sobriety – and I refuse to give that back.
Even though it’s like I’m living in a dream, it’s not always like it seems: I still feel the same pains as you. I still have my highs and lows in life but I now have confidence that God will take care of me in the long run. I do not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it – it’s molded who I am now. I decided to share the harder times in my life to show you that everyone, even Birdman himself, has gone through the trials of life and come out stronger than ever. You CAN rise up and make it through it – no matter what you’re going through.